By the age of seventeen, Kelvin Mikhail Smallwood-Jones exemplified everything you would want in a young man.  He was an example of what greatness can be in a young, African American male. He was a leader, noble, remarkable, extraordinary, kind, compassionate, loving, honest, gentle, dauntless, charming, responsible, funny, level-headed, and down-to-earth.  He was liberal, a scholar, a communicator, a listener, an athlete, a counselor, a tutor, a mentor, a gentleman, an avid reader, writer, journalist, photographer, a critical thinker, and a beacon of light to all who knew him and all who had heard about him.  I have been told by everyone who knew him that he was a modern day “Renaissance Man”.  

 

 

 

As his mother, I was always there for him.  After Kelvin was accepted to Morehouse College, I moved 700 miles away from family so that we could still be close.  At that time, I also decided to begin a new life.

 

Kelvin was my only child.  We spoke daily and spent time together once a week.  But there were no visible signs of depression.  In 2005, I attended a reception sponsored by the National Organization of Colored People Against Suicide “NOPCAS”. I was informed that between 1980 and 1996, the rate of suicide among young African American males jumped 105%. I discussed this with Kelvin, and he assured me at that time, that if he was ever that depressed, he would surely discuss it with me, like we discussed so many things.  But, Kelvin did not.  He was a communicator - so I thought.

 

As a mother, I was not aware that we need to discuss these things regularly, especially as a mother of a young African American male.  I did not know that suicide for black males was a silent killer and the third leading cause of death and has been for over twenty years. Kelvin’s death has left me with so many unanswered questions.  I miss him so much and most days I feel so sad, it is with the grace of God I am still here.  I will always remember his last words to me, “Ma, I love you.”

 

I realize that at this time I must carry on in my son’s light as I move forward in my life to help others and to work to reduce the high rate of teen suicide, especially among African American males.  Maybe then, I will ultimately be able to cope with this awful tragedy.

 

Hello my name is Gina Maria Smallwood, and I am surviving my only child’s suicide, one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Through transferring my pain into the Kelvin Mikhail Suicide Awareness Campaign, which is  about Suicide Awareness for black males ages 10-24 and what every person should know.